I have crushes. We all do. And since my recent post about the Royal sister-in-law, I came to realize how many crushes I have. I don't know if everyone has this many crushes, but if I were my girlfriend, I'd be a little worried. - See how I told you I have a girlfriend now, without being too obvious? - Well, actually I don't think she should be worried, because I also realized most of my crushes are impossible or improbable. Because there is a difference. Impossible is something that can't, in any circumstance, occur. Improbable is something that is not likely to occur, but can, in some twisted turn of events, occur.
So I decided to make two lists. One of my impossible crushes and the other of my improbable crushes. Here they are.
Dr. Arizona Robbins. Well, it's obviously impossible because she is a fictional character, and I would never, ever, want to break her from Callie Torres, but every time I see her walking down the halls of Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital I wish I could be a pediatric surgical resident in the Seattle of Grey's Anatomy just to look at her the whole day long.
Devassa Lady. Devassa is a Brazillian beer and the logo is a pin-up girl illustrating the beer's name, which translates "naughty". It's alcohol. It's a girl and she's naughty. How am I not going to have a crush on her?
Alexandra Cabot. Another character, played by Stephanie March. The former Assistant District Attorney from Law & Order Special Victims Unit. While most people, and by that I mean lesbians, have a crush on Olivia Benson, played by Mariska Hargitay, I don't. Don't get me wrong, Olivia is hot as a sunny day in Miami, but Alex is different. Alex is badass-smartass-blonde-lawyery-people's defendant-smokin' hot.
Miranda Priestly. First it's Meryl Streep. Second she wears Prada. Third she's as mean as it gets. Put it together. It's a bossy Meryl Streep with excellent fashion sense. Nothing further.
Ariel, The Little Mermaid. She's a mermaid. I might have a thing for mermaids. Still checking on that. From all the Disney princesses she was the one I always like the most. And besides she being a cartoon and all, I would definitely try living under the sea with her.
Silvia Castro León, aka worst death in the history of television. Pepa and Silvia were the cutest most adorable couple from Spanish series "Los Hombres de Paco". Silvia was a medical examiner and forensics expert. Pepa was a police agent. Silvia died on their wedding day, in Pepa's arms. Later, Pepa killed the guy responsible for her death. I am still traumatized. But Silvia, portrayed by Marián Aguilera, was the cutest, sexiest little thing. I'd risk my career and life haunting down the Italian Mafia chief who got her killed, too.
Diana, Princess of Wales. Beautiful, engaged in charity, royal and British. Unfortunately and sadly, Princess Diana is gone, but if she were still alive she'd definitely be on my improbable list and I'd probably be finding a way to move to England.
Miss Scarlet, from Clue. I loved that board game. Still do. And I always wanted the murderer to be Miss Scarlet just to see her on the spotlight. Board game character, or not, I wouldn't mind being tied up by her, with the rope, in the conservatory…
Barbie. I had Barbies when I was a kid. I played with Barbies. It's not just because I'm gay that I played with cars and army action figures. I collected Barbies. I loved Barbie. Loved her so much that I think she was my first girl crush.
Helena Peabody. First there's the accent. English accents are my thing. I can never go to England or I'll probably fall in love every ten seconds. In addition, she's hot as f****. Rachel Shelley's Helena was my favorite character from "The L Word". I'd be living at She Bar if I were in "The L Word" just because she'd be there. Oh, and there's all that money she has.
Pippa Middleton, aka Her Royal Hotness. Yes, the Royal sister-in-law had to be here. The newest addition to my list. She's got the accent, she's all about party, she is kind of in the royal family, and she is gorgeous. She's so gorgeous I don't even remember Kate's wedding dress, but I know every inch of Pippa's creamy white, smoking' hot made of honor dress. And even though she's all the way over in England and is totally out of my commoner league, who knows what could happen? It is improbable, but not impossible.
Angie Harmon. Republican, married, mother of three and beautiful. I'd say that's improbable, but who knows…? She could meet me, fall completely in love at first sight and want to live happily ever after by my side. It could happen.
Lisa Ray. Her eyes are amazing. They hypnotize me. Since the first time I saw her eyes in "I Can't Think Straight" I fell for her. Then she started dancing. From that moment on I new I was gone. I am seriously considering moving to Canada.
Cleo Prires. Brazilian actress and sex symbol. Just take a look and tell me she isn't worth a trip to Rio?
Carla Bruni. I am a big fan of the french First Lady. She's hot, she sings, she's hot, she has style and she's hot. Did I mention she's hot?
J.K. Rowling. First she gave us Harry Potter. You know, she could be ugly and that would only make me love her in a "thank you for making my life complete with the greatest story of all times" way. But she's not ugly. On the contrary, she's beautiful. And of course, key factor, the accent. Come on J.K. You've got everything I've ever dreamed of. Care to come play for our team?
Chely Wright. Yeah I know she's engaged and all, but come on. She's got the whole package. Country singer, heart of gold, sense of humor and the looks of a goddess. From now to August there's so many things to happen. Don't get me wrong I hope and wish that everything goes right for her and Lauren Blitzer and that they live hapily, but you know, I'd totally marry her in Connecticut in a heartbeat too.
Kate Walsh. My favorite character from Grey's Anatomy was Addison Montgomery. Now she's my favorite from Private Practice. I'd say it has to do with the fact that she is portrayed by Kate Walsh and she is just fabulous. The hair, the eyes, the face, the body. Last I heard she was dating, but, hey, breakups happen, people meet other people. She could meet me.
Olivia Wilde. Really is there anything else that needs to be said about Olivia Wilde besides, The O.C., House, Tron, her social work and that look on her face? Since the first time she appeared on The O.C. as Alex, Marissa's bi adventure, she has been on my list of people I will probably die wishing to have met.
Sandra Bullock. I've always liked Sandra Bullock and thought she was hot. Miss Congeniality is one of my favorite movies. Then she goes and kisses Meryl Streep. Then she goes and kisses Scarlet Johanson. And let's not forget she danced her a** off with Betty White. Then I see this picture just to make me want to buy a house in New Orleans as soon as possible so we can meet already.